A few weeks ago Liv challenged me to write about squirting--female ejaculation. The truth is, I don't know what to write about it. It's an amazing sensation, one that I've described elsewhere, but it's one that many women never achieve, despite intense desire and focused practice on trying to make the elusive squirt happen.

Squirting doesn't necessarily make sex better. It makes it wetter, and for some, wetter is definitely better. It makes it messy, and messy isn't always desirable. And for some women it can be embarrassing, especially with a new partner.

I didn't always have the ability to ejaculate, and I don't do it every time we have sex. Sometimes I go through long stretches with nothing at all, and then I'll hit a period where it happens almost every time. One of the dangers, if I may go so far, of pursuing ejaculation if you've never experienced it before is the potential pressure it can put on a woman and her partner. When there are high s-expectations about anything in the bedroom, there is always the chance for disappointment. I'm not telling you anything new there, but with those enhanced expectations can come a sense of shame and failure when the hoped-for event fails to materialize.

I never pursued ejaculation; it was simply something that happened to me one day after a long, enjoyable, and thoroughly satisfying afternoon delight with my husband. Sometimes after doing the deed I enjoy some additional stimulation. I always have, but that one afternoon the outcome was completely unexpected and, to be brutally honest, it freaked my shit out. I mean, I'd known about squirting, but having owned this body for more than a couple decades, it blew me away that it could just pop up with a new party trick no one had ever seen before.

I wish I had a photo that captured the look of shock on both our faces. We were utterly stunned and froze for a second, not completely understanding what was going on. And then we laughed our asses off. Had that happened with a new partner I feel certain that I'd have been mortified, especially since some people still believe that female ejaculation is just pee she can't hold in any longer. It's not. I suspect that most women with healthy bladders and Kegel muscles don't pee in bed involuntarily.

Women have written to me asking how to achieve squirting. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I have any especially helpful answers. The only recipe I know is to be exceptionally aroused (preferably post-fuck), know the location of your g-spot and be open to intense stimulation of it, and be able to let go completely with your partner. Starting on your own, with intense g-spot and clitoral stimulation together may help, too. But the real advice? Don't force it. Don't force anything when it comes to pleasure and sex. Just fucking enjoy it when it happens.

*This post originally appeared on Livia and Liza's blog, Tongue Tied.  Posted with permission. :)


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