By Six the Sexstrologer
In some way, shape, or form, intimacy is something we’ve all encountered—it’s an inevitable experience. While we most frequently think about intimacy in regards to romantic and sexual relationships, it spans far beyond just those dynamics. Intimacy is defined as "the ability to share closeness with another person(s)—to have a safe and secure attachment that enables and protects us while we explore our vulnerabilities." Intimacy exists in platonic, communal, romantic, sexual, and familial relationships, and at some point, we are all introduced to our own fragility. For many people, that’s extremely terrifying. We live in an insecure world, one that’s filled with trauma, pain, and insecurity. At every turn, we are reminded of our mortality, and that can be difficult to sit with. This is why intimate moments are so important, and anyone and everyone can learn how to share them.
In astrology, you should read for the entire birth chart to understand who someone is before you explore how they go about intimacy. Once you have a strong enough understanding of your chart, you can primarily check the signs that someone’s Sun, Moon, and Rising fall into to understand how they go about intimacy.
Aries: Intimacy through Time
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Aries is an energy that strives for self-discovery and momentary conquests, and you can bet that primal spirit follows them in and out of the bedroom. While many Aries like to front like they are tough, it’s extremely important to understand that even they have vulnerabilities. Aries is more likely to push their adversity to the back of their head to keep it moving without a second thought. What seems like an impulsive act or spontaneous fun could be exactly that, but sometimes there's more to it. Aries might be quick to try to bring you into the bedroom, however, they like the chase so easy come and easy go. Aries experiences intimacy through sharing a series of experiences, and opening up their lives to you. It would be a challenge to try to pry an Aries open, but you’ll find that they reveal much more to you when you join them for the ride.
Taurus: Intimacy through Adventure
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Sensual Taurus loves to go about life indulging in pleasant and pleasurable experiences, may it be dining in at their favorite restaurants or relaxing at a lavish spa. While Taurus is especially sensitive to their senses, once you appeal to them you’ll learn that Taurus expresses intimacy through adventure and shared experiences. What’s comfort food with no one to share it with? While Taurus can do bad all by themselves, when a Taurus wants to be close to you then they’ll want to share life with you. Because Taurus is a fixed sign, they can be somewhat stubborn and hesitant to try new things. It’s important that you don’t try to force a Taurus to do anything they don’t want to do—they like to maintain their control. However, through maintaining your boundaries, communication, and patience, you’ll find that even the Bull can open up to new experiences. Sometimes Taurus struggles to get out of their comfort zone, but they really want a partner who shows them it’s safe to do so.
Gemini: Intimacy through Structure
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Anyone can have a conversation, which is why Gemini cares about the nuance of the communication being shared. They want to know they are talking to someone they can depend on, and an individual who is capable of providing the know-how to challenge and comfort them. Gemini is an energy that loves to explore and get lost in the world, then find themselves through meeting new people. However, it’s important for Gemini to feel safe and secure. They want to know they are safe with their partners, which is why they may even hesitate to explore all their kinks and quirks. Gemini craves security and expresses intimacy through allowing structure and order in their lives, so rest assured—they can be tied down! Take your time with them and consider each conversation a building block, because it’s through communication and clarity that Gemini shares intimacy with their loved ones.
Cancer: Intimacy through Affirmation
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Cancer is a sign that values nurturance and self-care, however many of them struggle to prioritize TLC for themselves. Being ruled by the moon, emotions are deeply important to Cancer people. Preferring to be around close friends and family, comfort and cuddles are only the tips to the “love language” iceberg. Many Cancers showcase intimacy and affection by showing up and making time for their loved ones, and more often than not they truly want their efforts to be recognized. Cancers may get the reputation of being sensitive, and because of that, they may hesitate to express their feelings. Without a doubt, that’s not an ideal situation for anyone, which is why it’s so important to affirm and validate Cancers. Recognize their gestures, gifts, time spent, and efforts put forth. Seeing all they do and celebrating it may seem like a small act, but it’s a game-changer for Cancer.
Leo: Intimacy through Dreaming
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Whether or not you’ve recognized it, there is a certain innocence to Leos. They are natural performers, cheerleaders, and die-hard fans for their loved ones. Leos pride themselves on being the best, and they consciously surround themselves with people they believe in. Once you’re a part of Leo’s VIP guest list, you can rest assured that you’ll be treated like the star that you are. Take some time to dream with Leo, let them know who and what you want to be with you grow up. They love taking care of others and investing in their dreams, so welcoming them into your world of imagination will help them feel like part of the journey. Be sure to take the time to hear what they want, affirm their feelings and let them brag about their goals. You never know what motivates someone until you ask, so take the time to learn their backstory.
Virgo: Intimacy through Spontenaiety
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It’s well known that Virgos feel most comfortable preparing and pre-planning their lives. However, the act of intimacy often requires leaving your comfort zone. Ironically, Virgos struggle to be spontaneous because that’s how they express and experience intimacy. Virgos work extremely hard to be taken seriously by the world, and they are experts at putting up an “appearance.” The goal should never be to push a Virgo out of their comfort zone, especially if they haven’t built trust with you yet. Start by building a rapport with Virgo, then cautiously begin to invite them to join your world of adventure. Virgos have a (secret) longing to get lost in a world of childish desire, but good luck getting them to you. Being someone they can cut loose and have fun with is the first step, and affirming and validating them until they feel secure enough to take risks is the next.
Libra: Intimacy through Sensuality
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It’s not a surprise that Libra is a lot of fun. Being an air sign, they are extremely flirty and hard to tie down. Libras love to socialize and network, so if you’re going to be with one then you’ll need to keep up. Ruled by the planet Venus, they do have a soft spot for romance and sensuality. Libras go out of their way to accommodate and appease others, and they won’t stop until their loved ones are comfortable. Libra is a sign that likes to meet needs, which means intimacy for them means helping them to relax. Teach Libra how to stop moving and accommodating, and provide space for them to indulge and relax. Massage and soothe their bodies with lotions and oils—you wouldn’t believe how much tension they hold in their back! Libras won’t let just anyone have the privilege to see them when they are vulnerable, so when you have the opportunity to indulge with them, take the lead and cater to them.
Scorpio: Intimacy through Conversations
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Scorpio can be an extremely secretive sign and it’s important to understand that while they may not spill their beans, it’s through communicating with others that they express intimacy. Scorpio is sensitive to how others perceive them and for that reason, they hesitate to let themselves be seen by just anyone, typically meaning that they are very careful what they let people know. If you pay close attention you'll find that in conversation they may focus on asking you questions, and may base their feelings on what information they are able to attain from you. Yes, you should communicate and be open with Scorpios, however, be sure you're holding them to the same standard of communication that they hold you. If you don't share with Scorpio then they may not feel like you trust them, therefore it's only fair that they meet you halfway. Ask them questions, help them realize that you're a safe person to open up to. While they won't open up their world to you automatically (and may even retreat back), with time and communication you'll have the rare ability to actually see Scorpio.
Sagittarius: Intimacy through Sensitivity
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Very few people fully realize that Sagittarius has a major soft side, probably because they can often be found intellectualizing or laughing off their feelings. Sagittarius is a sign that appreciates positivity and adventure, and while they are an extremely optimistic sign externally, it’s important to know that even they need love. They may hesitate to admit that something is wrong when they speak with you, but it’s important for you to realize that Sagittarius is not superhuman. Being ruled by Jupiter, they may take on a lot more than they can chew (without fully realizing it). It’s important to set boundaries with Sagittarius, don’t let them take on your problems without also allowing themselves to have the favor returned. Love is a shared experience, it should be mutually beneficial for both parties. Let Sagittarius know that you’re holding space for them through actions and words because while they may not ask for your help, they’ll remember you offered it when they really need it. Hold space and keep in mind that even your funny friends need moments to cry.
Capricorn: Intimacy through Appreciation
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It’s hard not to notice that Capricorns aspire to be respected in whatever they do— they are really big on "reward and punish me" (take that however you will). They hustle hard for their dollars, and if you look closely you won’t be able to help but notice the designer tag. It’s not that Capricorns are materialistic, it’s just that they know what they deserve. Don’t be confused about these Sea-Goats the more they treat themselves because someone has to. The world can be an exhausting place, especially if you don’t experience appreciation enough. Capricorns may not tell you this until you’re in their lives for a significant amount of time, but they work so hard because they desire to be the best in your eyes. When Capricorns love, they love hard. They can be slow to accept affection and even slower to express their feelings, but it’s because once they start something they are committed. Show your appreciation for the Capricorn in your life, celebrate them, cheerlead for them—then watch how they completely reveal for you.
Aquarius: Intimacy through Service
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Aquarius is the forward thinker of the zodiac. They spend their time uncovering new perspectives and challenging social norms. They may be perceived as social outcasts (by choice), but they actually appreciate community and collectivism deeply. Aquarius aspires to help their society reflect on their social norms—they want people to realize that there’s more to life than conformity. Aquarius lives life outside the lines and draws outside the box. There are many cases where Aquarius feels alien to understanding the systems and structures they live in, and as a result, may struggle in silence. They won’t ask you for help because they sometimes struggle with the potential of being perceived as incompetent, but they deeply appreciate guidance when they receive it. Share intimacy with Aquarius by letting them know you not only support them, but you’re willing to go out of your way to help them find the resources they need to thrive.
Pisces: Intimacy through Accommodating
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Pisces is filled with patience and desire to empathize with all perspectives that they come across. They take in a lot of people’s energies and opinions, silencing themselves in order to hold space for others. They very rarely expect or ask people to accommodate for them—they’d rather not be a burden on others. Sadly, this results in them often getting the short end of the stick so as to not burden others. When you have a Pisces in your life it’s important to show them you love them by going out of your way to accommodate them. It’s the unspoken needs that we appreciate when they are met, the needs that people see we require but rarely bend over backward to provide. Showing Pisces love is affirming their belief that people are worth believing in and that their loved ones won't take advantage of them. Pisces won’t ever ask you to take them to the moon, but if you invite them they’ll be ready to go via cloud nine.
Six is a Miami based Sex Astrologer and Intimacy doula that promotes sex-positivity and self explorations with astrology. Six offers workshops, consultations, and partnerships that encourage individuals to seek, obtain, and maintain meaningful relationships and connections. Through various means of connecting with clients, Six's work helps clients feel seen, validated and understood. Follow Six on Instagram @blackwomencry.