Sitting down with Mistress Victoria Robinson, lifestyle domme & pro-domme (9 years). Scroll to watch the whole interview.

How do you become a dominatrix (domme)?

In BDSM, a lot of people find it important to indicate whether you’re a “lifestyle domme” or “pro-domme.” Lifestyle-wise, my first boyfriend had a foot fetish…so it sort of just happened! As I became more conscious of my inclination for BDSM, I decided to work at a house (dungeon). If you’re interested in building skills or BDSM training, working at a house or at an apprenticeship is a great way to start.

Anyway, after working at several houses, I began my own practice. I call it a small business–I’m an independent contractor, I’m in the service industry, and I have a retirement account. 

Do you run into problems?

It’s been almost a decade, so I don’t have to seek out clients too often. I’m also extremely privileged as a sex worker–I’m white, thin, and my family knows about and fully supports my work. 

What’s your favorite thing about BDSM?

Right now, I love corporal play. 

If you’re referring to what I love about BDSM as a whole, then that’s a different story. There’s something very cathartic about working with your own body to see what it can do to another human. It takes a lot of learning about and understanding yourself, along with other people. I call it “safe space play” because it brings a certain level of intimacy that creates comfort for both my submissive and myself.

As a woman, BDSM has allowed me to cross this threshold of taboo–to do what I’ve always been told isn’t possible. Being a pro-domme has also taught me so much about myself. For example, I now know that I identify as a sadist (i.e. I get sexual arousal from pain). I recently learned that I love dominating women. I’ve also embraced feminine fetishes like cross-dressing. 

What do people usually ask you for?

Well, in BDSM, the way you look really drives what you end up doing, which is something I’ve come to embrace. From what I’ve gathered, I kinda have a girl-next-door, Winnie Cooper kind of look, so I just go with that. 

Some common requests are: mean babysitter, angry mom, and governess. 

I also seek out activities that suit my own personal needs. I’m not too fond of requests involving humiliation unless it’s playful. Being a sadist definitely doesn’t mean you’re a nasty person. I guess I’m a nice dominatrix! 

What do you wish people knew about BDSM? 

That it’s super accessible in a friendly and safe way. I’ve talked to many women who have had bad experiences in the past because they don’t know how to get involved. They end up putting themselves into high-risk situations like going to a play party or on a date during which BDSM play might not be consensual.

We live in this glorious era in which we have the Internet and we can research anything! There are many online communities that can help you get involved in BDSM safely.

Should sex work be legal?

I can definitely talk about how legalizing sex work would make life easier for so many sex workers. There is such a high risk vs. reward in professional BDSM. It is difficult and dangerous to meet clients, so we do it as little as possible. The legal and cultural rejection of professional sex work prevents clients from properly researching what we offer. There are basically no resources that provide truthful information about professional BDSM and sex work in general. 

For small businesses, sex work legalization is so important. Female sex workers are aggressively open-minded, intelligent, and business-savvy, but they have less leverage to talk about their work because of legality.

Sex work laws are so blurry because they’re based on precedents and assumptions, rather than fact-based analysis. This is something sex workers could speak up about if they weren’t so marginalized. 

What’s your favorite toy right now?

Lately, I’ve been really into e-stim power boxes. They’re pretty simple and affordable. Electric play can stimulate really gently or it can be excruciating–it’ll suit whatever you’re into.

I actually use it on the gentle setting when I’m on my period. It makes my cramps go away immediately!

Do you have any tips for BDSM beginners? 

First thing’s first: reach out and find the community nearest to you. If there’s nothing within driving distance, reach out online and find likeminded people. Don’t lean too heavily on porn, but definitely explore porn to find out what you might be into. Always discover your limits from a safe distance. 

Watch the Interview