Assturbation, it’s a New Sensation
Every year, women’s magazine covers tout the latest tricks and juiciest tips to amp up your sex life 20 ways to Tuesday, but rarely do they shout “Assturbation 101.”
It’s high time badass babes learned a little more about self-love in the bum. We’re perfectly primed to take another step past rubbing one out. Mixing two very great things can make for one oh-my-god-yes thing. Like chocolate and peanut butter: that’s assturbation. A blend of masturbation and butt play. Win-win.
Now you may be asking, “If this combo is so awesome, then why don’t we hear or know much about it?”
I’m so glad you asked. The thing about anal play is that it is still pretty taboo and definitely male dominated. Gay or straight, the world of anal can seem too much like a boys’ club. We typically hear about it as this cute little male fantasy in which they are The Penetrators, because they're the ones circumventing social norms. More often than not, women get a mere peppering of stories and how-to's about anal sex from their friends or the media. These anecdotes rarely convey how to enjoy it and almost never discuss enjoying it alone.
So yes, this is pretty much a feminist call to arms (and fingers) to reclaim your butt hole.
Insert fantasy image of yourself, dressed as Rosie the Riveter, flexing with silicone anal beads gripped in your fist. Now let’s get started…
Anatomy doesn’t always sound like the most exciting tutorial, but it’s crucial you consider the map before you set off to explore. Especially when you’re shopping for the accoutrements of your backdoor adventure. When you understand the dynamics of the body, it’s easier to imagine what items will feel best for you.
First up, we all have two sphincters. The external sphincter is a muscle with voluntary control, so you can squeeze and release at your leisure. But the internal sphincter is an involuntary muscle, mostly remaining in its contracted state to keep your excrement from releasing before you consciously decide. These two little love buds will need to be in mutual comfort and agreement when it comes to any type of anal penetration. These muscles are also super sensitive as they are filled with nerves. That means, in terms of both pleasure and pain, your experience will be intensified. This is why assturbation can be a great sensation.
Choose the Best Accessories
In order to get the feel good feelings and not the painful ones, it’s important to focus on relaxing the muscles during any insertion. You can also help relax the sphincter by applying a topical product like Intimate Earth's Anal Relaxant. This one not only feels and works well, but it’s also free of the numbing agent Benzocaine. When it comes to your anal pleasure, you want to feel the great sensations but also be able to recognize any pain. Great assturbation is safe assturbation.
Next, we need to consider the rectum, which is only about 1½ inches long. This is why most anal toys and plugs are about the same length, though the girth and details can vary tremendously. When choosing your booty toy, look for one with a flared base or try something nice and lengthy, like anal beads. I suggest the Perfect Plug by Tantus because the ergonomic design compliments the anal anatomy in a way that is highly pleasurable. It’s a small silicone plug that's great for novices and for using simultaneously with your favorite rabbit vibrator or penetration toy.
As mentioned before, the internal sphincter is a strong, involuntary muscle, so when it senses stimuli, it’s likely to contract. This quick squeeze is like tiny fist grip but with a vacuum seal. So a toy without a base can get sucked up into your body rather unexpectedly and lead to an un-fun emergency room visit. After all, the whole point of assurbating is to get some much needed “me time,” so the last thing you want to do is end up in the ER having to tell a bunch of folks about the object you put up your asshole.
Lastly, let’s talk texture. Buttholes are as sensitive as they are adorable. The skin of the anus is thinner and more delicate than your butt cheeks and needs to be treated with TLC. That means you should trim your nails, go slow, and use lube. Micro-abrasions can happen easily–they can range from uncomfortable to extremely painful and dangerous, but all can be avoided by utilizing lube. Plus, the anus is not self-lubricating…so again, lube, lube, lube. The Soothe Guava Lubricant is one our faves. Not only does the name sound like a tropical vacation for you booty, but it’s water-based and can be used with silicone toys…aka high-quality toys, aka the kind you want to play with.
Assturbating 101: Step-by-Step Guide
It’s the big day! Or night…you can assturbate anytime. Treat your first anal masturbation like the super occasion it is. Treat it as if you're planning for a hot date with someone you love and can’t wait to get your freak on, because that’s exactly what’s about to go down. Here’s how and why you need to be a good lover to yourself for assturbation…
1. Fantasize about what’s to come.
With a partner, we’re likely to find ourselves daydreaming about or remembering awesome orgasms. Let yourself think of yourself the same way. Imagine what you’ll do, how turned on you’ll be, and how loud you’ll be screaming when you orgasm. You want to work yourself up in such a way that you feel eager and empowered by the time you’re ready to bend over and give it to yourself good. Reading erotic stories specifically geared towards anal is another wonderful way to get in the mood. Or open up some porn you like–assturbation day is your day.
2. Relaxation is key.
Relax your body and mind. Fantasizing will help, but here are some specific relaxation tactics. Take a nice long shower or bath. You’ll want to soap and lather your anus before playing with it anyway, but use this time to let your mind and body unwind. Consider using a lavender essential oil, you can even put a few drops on the pillow you plan on burying your face in when you start writhing with excitement.
The Marley is one of our favorite toys for anal play because its warming feature helps to relax the bum muscles.
3. Start by massaging.
Start slowly. As you apply your lubricant, massage your anus. Take time to rub along the rim and inserting your finger. This delicate get-to-know-you gesture is often called “Ringing the doorbell” because you want to push with the same light pressure you’d use when politely calling on a friend. This is also when you’ll first discover the two aforementioned sphincters. Using your finger will allow you to feel how they clench and expand based on your comfort, position and breathing. Then do the same thing with the head of your anal toy. Using more lube, massage and explore and then insert slowly. Stopping along the way to breathe, relax and enjoy.
4. Add some clitoral stimulation.
At the same time, or any sequence you like, do some clitoral stimulation. Anal play feels great on it’s own, but there’s no reason to limit your pleasure to one spot. The point of assturbation is to get more full-bodied masturbation underway. Using a hands free vibe like the Eva by Dame is a good idea because then you’re free to focus you maneuvering on your anal stimulation. The potential combinations with this toy mixed with the steady erotic stimulation of your anal toy are mind-blowing.
Clean Up and Glow
After you’ve had your fun, you saucy minx, it’s time to clean up. As much as we espouse the virtues of cleaning a sex toy right after climax, many women will toss it a drawer, roll over and go to sleep, and wait to clean their toy before using it the next time. But with anal toys, there’s no skimping on upkeep. If you want to masturbate your anus like a grown-up, you have a responsibility to clean up like one, too. The butt plug removal process should be similar to the insertion. Be careful and mindful as you pull it out–use deep breaths. You can even add a little more lube if you feel a bit dry.
Once your toy is out, you may find that a little fluid or doo-doo came with it. Do not be alarmed! This is par for the anal course. You’re not gross or doing it wrong, you’re a fantastic human with bodily functions. It’s NBD. But definitely wash that toy ASAP. You can use any toy cleanser, gentle anti-microbial soap and warm water, or cleansing wipes. Afterglow Cleansing Tissues are particularly nice for post-anal play because you can thoroughly clean your plug and use a second wipe for your undercarriage.
After you and your toys are fresh, there’s nothing left to do but bask in the glow of a job well done. You’ve experienced assturbation, orgasmed, and done your part to reclaim the anus from the historically male gaze. Not a bad day for the revolution.
By Stephanie Salyers