By Polly Rodriguez, CEO & Co-Founder of Unbound

The act of gifting vibrators has made headlines lately, but not in the way that—as the head of a sexual wellness company—I’ve always hoped it would.

Each week a new story breaks that involves sexual harassment, and often a vibrator is involved. Be it, Matt Lauer or Warren Sapp, when I read through these stories, the vibrator feels like the sword these men wield in their vulgar and unacceptable behavior.

And yet, as the CEO of Unbound, and as one of the founders of The Women of SexTech, I know for a fact that vibrators are amazing pieces of technology that tangibly improve the lives of millions every day. My greatest fear is that, like so many things, the narrative of these objects will be taken over and told by their abusers.

See, the thing is—the act of gifting a vibrator is not, in itself, inherently wrong or right, but we’re stuck in this binary complex as Americans. 

We’ve spent hundreds of years relegating sexuality to either something that is hyper-sexualized (think: magazines-hidden-under-the-bed) or sterile and medicalized (something you only discuss in a doctor’s office). There’s been very little room for real, honest conversations—beyond the occasional comedian or Sex and The City episode. Which is why real sexuality has become a complicated thing for us as humans to discuss.

But considering the news of late, we can’t afford to delay that discussion any longer.

From the outside, sex can seem like a scary, mine-ridden territory for conversation. And as more stories come to light, we can already see the pendulum gravitating towards the other direction. The fear that if you say one wrong thing, or make one wrong move, and you’ll be labeled a monster, is an increasingly common one.

But if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article—it’s that this is not the case.

Now, more than ever, in the face of disparaging news about everything from egregiously intentional acts to unfortunate missteps, is when we need to be learning how to have real, nuanced, and thoughtful conversations about sex with those we love. It's only when we learn how to communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully about our sexuality that we can we begin to recover from the past several months (/millennia).

Ultimately, when it comes to topics like gifting vibrators, we need to set some ground rules—the first being not to shut ourselves off from discussing sex entirely.

And while I could write for weeks on the ins and outs of how to approach sexuality appropriately, I think—for the sake of time and all of our sanity—there is one core rule that stands out above the rest: communication.

I have gifted over 150 vibrators to friends and family in the past three years. I have given them to relatives, wrapped them as wedding gifts, handed them to friends going through cancer, and even presented them to friends going through a divorce. I love gifting vibrators. Not because I think people need them, but because I believe people deserve them.

Even if I'm pretty sure they would be okay with receiving one, I will still make an effort to get their consent first.

How? 

I have a conversation with them. Even if it’s awkward. Especially if it’s awkward. Because that is when we grow. I, myself, grow as a compassionate human, and our relationship grows as a result of having a candid and open discussion about an often repressed topic.

For example, did I love asking my parents if they wanted an Unbound gift set? Hell no. But I leaned into that conversation, just like any other, and came out of it realizing that they, too, are compassionate, sexual human beings—just like everyone else.

Gifting these vibrators over the years has shown me what a powerful and compassionate act it can be.

In fact, according to a recent study, most women around the world (66%) receive their first vibrator as a gift from a friend. We also found this happening on our website, with 32% of all purchases being a gift for a significant other or friend.

That means that, without appropriate gifting, a lot of women wouldn’t have gotten the chance to explore their sexuality in this meaningful way. 

So how can we ensure that gifting a vibrator doesn’t become the societal kiss of death? How do we find a way to break out of our binary sexual mentality? How can we move outside of the black and white and live comfortably in the gray?

We lean into those scary, vulnerable conversations with sincerity and love.

The central truth I’ve discovered in the past three years is that most of us want to explore our sexuality, but we’re all a little scared to take the first step. None of us know exactly how it all works: we’re curious, we’re vulnerable, and we’re all looking for permission.

 The best way to grant permission is through consent and conversation with those you love. There is a great deal of power in encouraging someone to love their body, to reach out and tell them they are deserving. Only through open conversations, inclusive education, and sexual exploration do I believe that we can take the next steps towards becoming a society that celebrates sexuality rather than abuses it.