I've been thinking about masturbation in fun and expansive ways lately. Sex with myself is a big part of my self-care and it's been very important throughout my healing journeys. As a disabled survivor, I spent a lot of years not in touch with the power of my sensual self, and not having a relationship with my own pleasure. Much self and spiritual healing has led me to a place of uncompromising commitment to my own pleasure, on my terms.
I talk to other disabled people a lot about sex, pleasure, and self-pleasure. We share about what works and how we get creative with positions, toys, and privacy. Every conversation I have pushes me to think more deeply about the power of our collective pleasure and about how I can give myself the fullest, most elevating experience each time.
I love using toys because they help me do things to myself that would not be possible otherwise with my disability. Since toys make the logistics easier for me, I can let my mind relax into erotic self-love and deeper fantasy. I like to picture what it looks like inside my body when I'm close to cumming. I praise my different body parts. I like to talk to myself about the power of my sexuality. Sometimes I imagine partners and lovers, but I'm still usually the main subject of my own imaginings.
I live with chronic pain all over, which sometimes makes it hard for me to think about physical satisfaction, but orgasms provide pain relief and they help me reconnect to my body and feel good in it. To enhance and enjoy that pleasure as much as I can, I create a full-on sensory self-love experience for myself when I play with myself. I like to drip essential oils around me–usually something floral or earthy. I like the lights off and I choose music depending on my mood. If I'm in the shower, the water is hot and I imagine the drops shimmer as they fall over me.
Palma is a toy that definitely makes me feel sexy. The ring is big, angular, heavy, shiny, and wearing it feels powerful. I love an undercover sex toy and the opportunity to be publicly sexual and cute, too.
Finger vibrators are a really good and accessible option for me since I have problems with grip and dexterity. This ring is strong as far as finger vibes go and there is the bonus of it being a really great accessory. I would definitely recommend this to anybody who typically likes a finger vibrator for any number of reasons.
I like using my Palma with silicone lube–I think it really intensifies the vibration and shiny smoothness. Also important to note that it's waterproof. I love to play in the shower so waterproof toys are almost a requirement for me. I also think it would be fun to wear this out on a date and sneak off somewhere to play with it together.
Another toy I've been having a lot of fun lubing up is the Stellar, a beautifully bumpy glass toy with a cute little curvy handle that actually makes holding and moving it easy for me.
The cool, smooth glass feels so nice and the bumps feel extra good inside on just the right spots.
As a fancy femme, I’m also very into the Nipple and Clit Clamp. The clamps are gentle but provide just the right amount of soft pressure. Having a partner put them on me is so fun, and the little gold chains make me really feel like a goddess. I love getting cute and sexy for other people, but I also get a lot of satisfaction out of adorning myself just for solo play and selfies that I may or may not even share.
I recently learned that Unbound was started by a woman who experienced early onset menopause after dealing with cancer. I acquired my disability at age 20, and I had to relearn almost everything about my body. I can appreciate how this body-facing experience inspired a commitment to sexual pleasure and sensuality. Big yes to innovative and intentional energy spent towards centering pleasure and creating avenues for infinite expression of our complicated and beautiful bodies.
About the Author: Carrie (she/her) is an artist, activist, and double fire sign queer femme sensualist in Chicago. She is an anti-zionist Ashkenazi Jew, a white disabled woman, a wheelchair user, and a survivor. Follow her on Instagram @firefemmefreak.