How Mutual Masturbation Can Make Sex Even Better

He lay sprawled against my clean sheets, his naked chest warm and smooth beneath my palm. We had shared an evening of excellent food and many margaritas, inevitably making our way back to my bedroom.

Our unusual relationship dwelled in the gray area between something-more-than-a-hookup and actually dating. Lingering disparities between us perpetually kept us from growing closer.

But one sparkling, glorious act drew me to Guy over and over again: getting each other off.

One of my hands wrapped around his hard cock as I braced myself for the orgasm that was about to rip through me. I knelt beside him on the bed, his hand between my thighs and his fingers dancing inside me. The man was a genius with his hands and he was a great communicator in bed. He didn’t hesitate to ask me what felt good or to explain what felt better for him.

Masturbation doesn’t always have to be a solo act.

There was no reason for us not to have penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. I had condoms, lube, and my current STI results (all clear, by the way). Mutual masturbation felt so good, however, that neither of us wanted to stop.

I didn’t really start masturbating until I was in my late thirties. It took me almost another year (and lots of experimenting) to achieve orgasm after that. It was quite a process, but needless to say, once I “got” masturbation, I really GOT masturbation. Once I hit my forties, I stopped being afraid to ask my partners for it.

Sometimes mutual masturbation served as foreplay and other times it was the main course. That was the beauty of masturbation. You could do it with yourself and with others, and when it was done well, holy moly the fireworks.

After my second orgasm from Guy’s talented fingers, he neatly flipped me around so that I was on my back and he was above me. He teased my nipples, nibbled my ribcage, and then reached behind him to pull my vibrator out of the nightstand drawer. With it, he gently tickled my clit, asking what felt good and if I wanted the vibration higher. I moaned and writhed, the sensations becoming more and more powerful until another beautiful release.

Masturbating with a partner can help you understand their body–what they like and don’t like (and vice versa).

Vibrators and dildos are staples of masturbation and I enjoy using them on myself as much as I do other people. Using them with a partner made everything more interesting. That’s why I continued to see Guy even though we weren’t the best match outside of the bedroom.

We had fun getting creative in bed and because we took the focus off of PIV sex, we were more attuned to what the other person enjoyed. There was more dialogue, and in my opinion, more give-and-take to our rendezvous. We essentially threw out the standard “playbook” for sex and explored new territory–honestly, there is no need for standards in sex at all.

Mutual masturbation eliminates any worry of getting pregnant. However, if you’re using a sex toy on someone else, definitely put a condom on it to keep your partner’s bodily fluids separate from your own. If you’re throwing oral sex into the mix, use a barrier if you haven’t seen the person’s STI test results.

Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite sexual activities, with a vibrator and sex toys or without. It can be erotic, playful, and enlightening, in addition to being a great way to discover what makes your partner tick. Er, orgasm. Even if there’s no huge release at the end, mutual masturbation can still feel satisfying and sensation-filled. There’s no wrong way to do it.